Lance

People were fascinated by it, some indifferent, some ignored it, others rejected me completely.

This is a bit of a special Coverboy file. This time, we have our first International (non-Japanese) Coverboy Interview!

First, can you tell us your sexuality?

I identify as a straight man.

What were you like when you were a young child?

As a kid I was rough and tumble. [I] wanted to play football with the boys. It was accepted well among the other guys in elementary school. I guess they saw me as a tomboy.

I remember in 3rd or 4th grade I started buying my own clothes in secret — boy's clothes. I'd bring them to school in my backpack and change before school, then change back to what my mom dressed me in before she picked me up.

Diagnosis

Coverboy LanceYou mentioned that you just got diagnosed with GID. Did that come as a surprise to you?

It wasn't a surprise at all. I'd been living full time as male for several months before I finally saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed.

When did you first come to the realization that you have GID? What did you feel at the time?

I always knew I felt different. At about age 15 I remember realizing the voice in my head, my conscience, was male. Kind of hard to explain.

I'd tell people that I thought of myself as a guy, and since I liked girls, that I was a straight man, a boy trapped in a girl's body. I mentioned wanting to get a sex change. When people 'mistook' me for male I didn't correct them; it felt right.

I hadn't heard of the term FTM yet though. I finally found the term FTM when I was 16. I read someone's story and thought...that's me.

Do you think anything changed in your mind when you realized that you were GID?

I finally realized why I'd felt so different. I stopped suppressing my male traits and started acting like myself.

Did you ever have to hide the fact that you were GID? What was that like?

Not really.

Once I started transitioning I'd already dropped out of school and the people I was around at work and my parents saw me change into male form overnight and I started living as male full time. I don't know what they thought was up, but I didn't hide it.

Coming Out

What do you do for work?

I work at Arby's, a fast food restaurant.

Have you come out to anyone?

I came out to a few people at work before I was outed to everybody else by accident.

Who was the first person you came out to?

The first person I came out to was online, and they took it well. A lot of people were fascinated by it, some indifferent, some ignored it, others rejected me completely.

How did the people around you feel about it? How did your family feel?

At work I've been accepted pretty well besides one manager who refuses to recognize me as male.

My family refused to accept it and said it was a phase, but once I got the GID diagnosis from a psychiatrist, they started to take it a little more seriously.

Do you live as a man? If so, what kind of problems have you encountered, and how have you dealt with them?

I live as a man all the time now. Like I said, I have been for several months. At the time I quit school I wasn't living as a man at all yet.

I've encountered some difficulties with which restroom to use at work. They've allowed me to wear a male name tag there, but all the employees know I'm biologically female. I think I'd cause a scene in the women's restroom though, and I haven't used the women's room anywhere since I started passing as male.

I usually try to hold it at work, but when I can't, I sneak into the men's room. I had another male employee (a manager, yet) catch me in there once, but luckily he's one of the ones who has accepted me as male and he didn't say anything.

Plans

Coverboy LanceDo you have any plans for treatment, such as surgery?

Yes. As soon as possible I plan on starting hormones. Once I can, I want to get chest surgery with Dr. Brownstein in San Francisco, California. I'm not sure if, where. or when I would get bottom surgery.

What are your plans for the future?

I'd like to try to get my GED and go to culinary school and become a chef. Aside from that I'm looking forward to changing my name legally, starting hormones, and getting chest surgery.

Is there anything you would like to say to people who are struggling with GID or with coming out?

It's tough.

People with GID are often misunderstood and tormented by coworkers, parents, siblings, etc. Along with it often comes depression and other things. I've been driven to suicide before but wasn't successful, and I often get very low for days on end and consider attempting suicide again. I finally got put in a psychiatric hospital where I was diagnosed with GID, but I'm still struggling with suicidal thoughts, self harm, and depression.

You're not alone though. There are other transpeople out there dealing with the same things. Try to reach out and help each other through this. Suicide isn't worth it. That's letting the people who doubt you win.

Finally, if you could put your life into a single word, what would it be?

Interesting.

Thank you for your time.

That was Lance. We wish you the best with your future. Keep in touch, and let us know as things progress with your transition.

We'd like to hear your inspiring life stories and how you've managed to live and love as a transman.

If you feel inspired to tell your story, just contact us here and we can set up an interview with you, either in person or through email.